March 29, 2011
Episode 2: Getting Female air force pilots into diapers
(NB: This is a fictional story and references to real life articles and people are just to indicate how the story was inspired. No harm or malice intended)
Scene: Planes flying by.
Claire (voice over): The Tsunami, new subsonic bombers of the air force are the latest lethal weapons of the country. A stealth aircraft with both air-to-air and air-to ground weapons, it is the key first strike weapon to be used in any conflict. The inaugural squadron is 645 squadron, where only the maintenance people and the wing commander is male. All the rest of the pilots are female, since the new recruitment drive by the female Defence Minister.
Scene: planes swoop down and perform impressive manoeuvres
Claire (voice over): Due to their slow speed, pilots can spend between eight to twelve hours up in the aircraft and natural nature calls at least once in flight. Previously, it was simple by allocating pilots what were called “piddle packs”, but those suited the male anatomy fine. With females at the stick, the air force was given the Advanced Mission Extender Device by the Americans, but this was mostly defective and caused medical problems on the vulva. I’m here at 645 Squadron to figure out how to prevent a mess in the most advanced aircraft.
Wing Commander Joshua Dalton: We’re very thankful for Claire’s offer of help. My female pilots are Top Guns and excel in every area of their work but when it comes to flying long hours across the globe, they loose concentration when they have to fiddle around and pee.
scene: Claire is at the gate of 645 Squadron, dressed in blue tights, blouse and skirt. The male air force policeman not only runs her her through a metal detctor, but brings her in for a strip search (not shown)
Claire talking to Flying Officer Sandra Lee and Flight Lieutenant Laura Speirs
Claire: So you two are the newest and youngest female pilots to the Squadron?
Lee: Yes we are. Just out of university and flight school.
Speirs: I was an assistant intelligence officer before transferring to become a pilot. It’s becoming more and more of a trend to join. And not really because of the new policy. Ever since I’ve read about pilots Juliette Fleming and Nikki Thomas (see This article )
“My mate was doing her washing the other day and she just hit the floor as a rocket landed worryingly close to the laundry. She was most indignant and told me, ‘If I’m going to get blown up, I’d be really p***** off if it was when I was washing my knickers“?.
Lee: For me, it was about Flt Lt. Helen Seymour (see this article) as well as the early female ground breakers like Flight Lieutenant Julie Ann Gibson, Jo Salter, Kirsty Moore and Squadron Leader Elle Hillard (see this link). Also the first female to perform QRA, Flight Lieutenant Helen Gardiner see this and now Flying Officer Emma Atkinson this link.
Claire: Wow, cool. Well I guess let’s cut the talk and get into the plane.
Scene: Claire is helped into the Flight suit and other gear by Lee, whom she will be flying with. Her blue knickers are visible with a catheter like device attached to her crotch area.
Claire (as Lee is straightening her suit): This device I’m told catching the urine from the pilot’s urethra and deposits it in a bag that turns it into gel and is disposed off only when the plane returns to base.
scene: All dressed up, Lee, Speirs and Claire walk to the flight line. Unlike a normal fighter jet, there is no afterburner or moving down the runway. Instead, the plane moves vertically up so fast that its just a blur.
scene: They burst through the clouds and Lee performs some fancy aerobatics.
Lee: How are you Claire?
Claire: Trying to find my legs. Everything’s so tight.
Lee: That’s how it will be.
scene: Hours later, the sky is pretty dark.
Claire: Sandra, I hate to say this, but I think my bladder’s bursting.
Lee: Go ahead and adjust your suit so that you can pee.
scene: Claie doe so but a slight mistake causes her to spill her urine all orver her suit.
Lee (after hearing Claire’s exclamation): Yes that happens. Even worse if your the one at the stick. And we have another six hours to go…
scene: Finally, the plan is back on the ground and Claire joins the fighter pilot ladies for a shower and a hot tub.
Claire (to a group of pilots): So how many of you had accidents like I did while flying?
Almost all the pilots raise their hands
Squadron Leader Leanne Dale, Deputy Squadron leader: It happens even if you adjust the device correctly. And for long overseas missions, you just can’t take your hands off the stick and touch it down there.
Flight Lieutenant Nicola Stevens: Yes, once I just tried to squirm and nearly crashed into my wingman–or wingwomen.
Claire: Well, you can’t let’s nature’s call spoilt such an important duty.
Dale: Do you have a solution then?
The next day:
Claire returns with a duffel bag. After going through the strip search, she meets up with pilots Dale, Lee and Speirs.
Claire: Hi ladies. This(bring out an adult diaper) will solve your problems.
Dale (eyes popping out):Diaper? A Nappy?
Lee: You’re kidding!
Speirs: Actually, I think it may work.
Claire: Well, at least there’s one optimist. Simply put, instead of fussy around with your tube and device or what not, wear this adult nappy for your flights. it’s highly absorbent and can stand quite a bit of peeing. You don’t have to and you should fill it completely in flight but other wise it should solve your worries. Just pee in it.
Dale and the other do a bit of conferring and a test flight is done, with Claire helping them adjust their diaper tapes. They head off for a flight and many hours later they are back, all four of them are out of diapers.
Dale: Ok, who wants to start.
Lee (squirming): it went well but after two rounds of peeing and coming back, i found that i had rash on my groin.
Speirs: It’s not as breathable as i thought it was. Eight hours in a cockpit and diaper gets you a burning crotch and butt.
Dale (turning to Claire): I’ll be more practical. If we use nappies, what’s the cost going to be for a Squadron of around twelve for the long term? Will it be more than the current devices? Second, pilots will eventually face trouble in war. Yes, there’s some guides of women as prisoners of war, but definitely none when they are captured with diapers on. How will that go down? And I know my hubby is pretty liberal, but not all these girls would want to let their partners or boyfriends know they spend their work in nappies?
Claire nods and goes back to her lab. Working with a team of scientists, she experiments and then returns to the base.
Claire (to the quartet):He’s a smaller, more breathable adjustable kind of diapers which looks more like your average knickers than a diaper. It’s like a diaper as the tabs can be adjusted. But its undies-like as you can hardly tell there’s any abosrbent padding. It will last as long as the previous diaper and as for rashes (turning to Lee), I suggest you shave yoru vulva and use this cream provided.
Dale (thoughtfully): We’ll give it a go. Suit up girls!
Scene: All the planes land back safely.
Dale: It’s pretty good but I’m stilll wondering about how it would be when we eject and get captured.
Lee: Ma’am, if i may, it’s not pretty good, it’s excellent. I can’t even tell that I dumped my whole bladder just only!
Speirs: Yes, it’s great!
Dale (turning to Claire): It’s seems like you solved a great problem
(NB: here are the specific devices some female fighter pilots may use: http://www.omnimedicalsys.com/uploads/IFP-15-1.pdf and http://www.omnimedicalsys.com/uploads/FG-1%20&%20FG-2.pdf)